So that would make me…?

I’m in a mini dilemma, contemplating if I should write this in such a public sphere. But I thought it over and figured hey, it is my writing space, is it not?

****

The truth is, over the past 2 weeks or so, I’ve been going through a mini crisis with regards to my church work, in particular my contribution to the youth’s music ministry.

I joined the group sometime ago, I think, and since then – whenever I was free – would join the group on the piano during Saturday evening masses.

Things were going very well. Then I was told I had to go for a formation. Get together with the larger committee, share, talk blah blah blah.

And despite my inital reluctance (I’m scared of overtly holy people) I actually enjoyed myself. Made new friends. Discovered that the committee was harmless. 10 weeks on, the formation ended.

Then I was told to go for another formation – a music formation.

Ah, I thought, what might be in store?

The formation, to put it very kindly, was shocking.

It turned out to be a sacred music formation. But that was not the problem. The problem was, the formation turned out to be a huge plug for why we must sing in Latin and the changes in liturgy that was to take place within the celebration of the mass. I was told that eventually we’d be praying and singing in Latin. To be in line with the Pope’s call and the church’s direction.

Sacred music. Latin. Gregorian chants.

But possibly the worst thing ever was the poor sod in charge of the ‘music’ formation, who turned out to be – shockingly – a musician who endorsed all things sacred. And who basically said – in not so many words – that Latin was the way to go. It was the language that should be taken on, adopted, taught. Sung. Prayed.

I raised my hand. I asked, have you not considered how Catholicism came into this part of the world? Are you aware that we were preached to, through missionaries? How do you explain therefore, our connection to Latin roots? Are we not a mission land if you were to take into consideration the many vernacular and indigenous communities who have embraced Christianity? Do you realise that the Latin language and the hymns you are to teach us is in fact very far from what we’ve been exposed to culturally? What is the wisdom and philosophy behind the teaching and singing of Latin, of sacred music?

I knew instantly that I was burning in hell. Opening up a can of worms. The night ended with me quietly sneaking to my car as the formation was ending with a ‘let us learn a Gregorian chant’ lesson.

The next day, I sent an e mail. Explained my behaviour and stated that I did not want to be a part of this formation. Apologised. Explained where I was coming from. Then elaborated and argued my points in a clear and concise manner.

For 2 weeks, no reply.

Then today, a phone call.

A call telling me I should be open. I should open my heart to these changes. Embrace it as a direction in which the church is moving.

I’m sorry, I said. I cannot be open so long these burning questions and concerns I have are not addressed or answered in a clear and non-biased manner. Is that wrong?

You are very strong-willed, said the caller.

****

So perhaps I am strong willed. But more than anything, I find this whole incident terribly ironic.

Ironic that in a time where we are fighting against deep-seated isolation, in a country that imposes restrictions on the universal word Allah – in effect segregating Christians who worship in that language – that we gripe about something as trivial as the language of the church.

Surely we have better things to focus on. Seriously.

I’m freeeee!!! (free enough for an update…)

So a semester has come to an end and my essay churning months are over…for now.Work is done as well; exam papers were marked over the week and marks have already been submitted as of yesterday.

To round up the first few months of the year in one word: exhausting! Work in particular was not my cup of tea. Too many things were conveyed to me at the last minute, resulting in me being terribly bad tempered and angry…not a good frame of mind for a person who needed to write constantly. I’m just relieved work is over; I was offered a teaching position for the following semester but I decided to be a little poorer and declined the post for now. I need to get my sanity back on track first; no more last minute details and deadlines. It borders on being unprofessional and I abhor it.

Work aside, the uni semester has been a great learning experience. Taking all 4 subjects under my supervisor was the best decision I made in my academic life. Sure, I was drowning in all that writing but at the end of the day I’ve come to recognise that within this short span of 4 months, writing and critical thinking are things that are slowly (but surely) starting to come naturally. As a person who struggles to string a written sentence together, this has been a major achievement. Haha!

I’m also relieved to report that my supervisor and I get along like a house on fire. It’s a nice healthy balance of work and laughter, and it’s refreshing to be supervised by someone who’s realistic and intelligent. He’s tough on me and the work I produce; he questions loads but I personally like that because I’ve always felt that I needed someone who would be able push me and be critical at the same time. I’m very blessed.

Gamelan rehearsals have been hectic as well, given that our Singapore show is in a months’ time. It’s such a joy to play though…Ah, I’m starting to get all mushy already. I just love those girls <3

Noel and I have turned into true blue nerds this year – him with his archaeology and me with my ethnomusicology. Couple time even consists yakking on an on about nerdy research, methodologies, critical questions etc. But it works and this month we turn 4 years old. Damn, time is flying by!

2008 in perspective

2008, by far, has been one of the most dramatic years. Some of the highlights of the year include:

• Quitting my full-time job (yay!)
• Securing a part time lecturing position at a private university
• Delivering a conference paper
• Joining an exclusive group of happy ethnomusicologists
• (Finally) embarking on my Masters studies
• Moving houses….twice
• Renovating the house with Mum
• Discovering my beloved Fisheye

It’s been a wonderful year albeit (still) a dramatic one. The end of 2008 was probably the hardest emotionally. While we were moving back to our newly renovated home, we lost our longtime housekeeper of 22 years. The leaving was something we had all anticipated although the way in which she left was one that left much to be desired.

Thankfully, that drama is now over. Sure, the home is not as spotless as it used to be but we’re now much happier and with our new household routines things are slowly but surely falling into place.

December was a special time. I made a quiet trip down to Singapore and met some of my dearest friends there for one-on-one time. Sure, I was exclusive as I could be (a sign of age?) and avoided gatherings like a plague but I knew no better way to end such a dramatic year.

I’m really looking forward to 2009. It will finally mark the start of my postgraduate studies and I’m hopeful it will be a good one (sans red tape, please). 2009 will also be the year in which both Noel and I will be actively pursuing our respective goals of studying and establishing our careers in archaeology and ethnomusicology (what a combo!). It is a goal in which the both of us have been looking forward to. For the very first time, we’d both be doing what tickles our fancy and that, I think, will be a great start to any year.

Good news…

Mum’s spies have informed me that my application has been accepted by the school of music.

If all goes well, the application will go to the IPS (Institute of Postgraduate Studies) for the final round of acceptance. It is hoped that the idiots at IPS will understand that my results are sans CGPA. Anyhow, we’ve planted another spy to follow up on the application. Looks good at the moment.

I’m looking at…

..a great big wall.

It has been a difficult week to cap it off. I’ve received news that my Masters application may be in jeopardy because my academic transcript does not have a CGPA score attached to it. Attempts to explain that my degree, which comes from an Australian university and therefor does not have a CGPA, have fallen on deaf ears. Red tape at its best.

I’ve since moved on and am now attempting to hound the higher ups to give me a place. I’ve written to the director, my future supervisor and Melbourne University to help me out. My mother, a university staff herself, has had to pull strings for me as well (which I must say, makes me uncomfortable), given that the ground-level staff have chosen not to heed my explanations, nor granted me an appointment to meet the director.

I’m not sure what’s to happen in this week but I’m giving everything I’ve got. I absolutely hate battling red tape but more so having to fight with fuckwits who do not seem to understand what an academic transcript from a non-US institution is all about.